Blight of the booking fee

The advent of the internet, iphones and blackberries have all contributed to a life on the move, one in which the ever watchful presence of Facebook or Twitter means news travels like wildfire. If you are one of those who subscribe to such a life, for work or indeed pleasure, the attempt to keep up with the trends and pressures of instant communication can not only be tiring but downright addictive.

Since when did all our dealings become so important that we couldn't make them in our own time and not the other way around - I as you may have guessed do NOT subscribe to such a life - as we seem to be moving towards some kind of 'Secret of my success', Michael J Fox, wall-street hell. If it isn't another Facebook update intruding upon sexy sexy time, ('Oh but it might be important' - 'So I'm not?!!!' - Get the hell out of my bed, damn it!) it's the inability to function beyond drooling zombie at the thought of your poor defenceless phone being left at home and you being the last one to know what fucking Susie Derkins' boyfriend has been up to behind her back...

My point is the internet is a tool to help us in aspects of our life which can be done in our own time from the comfort of our own home. Hell if I'm booking over a phone to have tickets sent to me - why not book online and pick them up at the station? No paper wasted, no extra cost, right?

So, I swore. I am obviously upset. Here's what happened...

I subscribe to the Trainline.com whenever I have the rare ability to plan so far ahead as to take advantage of it's ...'typically 43%...' saving. This is great! The train is typically an arsehole expense which sees hundreds of cretins having to pack into Citylink or Megabus services and spend 4 hours with their knee's behind their ears and a radio-active toilet that'd bring a tear to two glass eyes.

So then, how much for a return to Edinburgh from Inverness?

£20.80

Brilliant.

click 'Purchase'...

'...what the hell?...'

I'm now at stage 5 of 6 in the purchasing process - purgatory! - the point of no return where all dreaded 'add-on' fees lurk!

'£1 booking fee?'

Exactly how does one book a ticket from an online ticket seller without incurring a 'booking fee'? Is this an electronic 'handling charge'? An admin fee for the computer at the other end?

Isn't that just the price of the ticket?

Needless to say Trainline.com pissed me off. OK. It is just a pound but how ANNOYING is that figure? You pay a £ to use a shopping trolley but at least they give you it back. Why not take my pound, invest it until my return ticket is used, then give it back to me? They can keep the interest, hell if I mind.

No.

They have to tell you it's because of a 'booking fee'

If they said something like 'This pound is for Davey Smith's leaving do next Friday and we're going to get him a giant inflatable cock and we're getting him shit-faced then handcuffing him to a transsexual prostitute', I'd be fine with that... Hell, I'd donate £10 if that were the case...

No. I have no idea where my pound is going, so I tried to find out.

Here's what the Trainline.com say about it:

'A £1.00 booking fee will apply to all transactions. If you book multiple journeys within one transaction then this fee will only apply once.

- (so what's it for then? A scrooge McDuck swimming pool? The arms industry? Supermarket shopping trolleys???!)

There is no additional charge for fulfilling your tickets (unless you choose special delivery).

- (fulfilling my ticket??? Are we dating or something?)

If paying by credit card then there will be an additional charge of £3.50. This can be avoided by paying by debit card.

- (And here's me with credit cards because I was too skint with all this credit-crunching going on)

Please remember that customers who have booked with us in advance make an average saving of 43%*

- (yeah, that's why I'm here. Now it's down to 41.3%)

*We compared prices paid on thetrainline (including the booking fee) with the cheapest fare available for that journey if bought at the station on the day of travel.'

- (Oh good, back up to 43% then - good for you, because only a moron or someone in desperate need of rearranging their journey does that and they get screwed over by the station too. If I booked this ticket in the station, I'd be required to have my bank manager with me to approve the transaction)

What was nice about this was that just below this fantastically generic statement they had this:

Was this answer helpful?

I clicked 'no'

Here's what I had to say about it:

...

Ok, so I lost it on the clipboard and it's already on it's way to 'George' in Mumbai who's likely fumbling through Yahoo translator looking up the meaning for the word 'arsehole'...

Unfortunately it is not something I can redo... what an anti-climax, what a pain... just like that pound charge.

Well, I guess I leave rather deflated - I hope they send it back to me in an e-mail... Either that or i'll find a nice surprise left on the seat I've booked...